AIA CONCERT !!

对～AIA CONCERT 就是今晚BEAST, G.NA 和4MINUTE 在马来西亚举办的concert。 说实在的，我很想去非常想去恨不得去。但自从买了东方神起的票，我就一直在控制自己花钱在K-POP的费用。每个人都知道，我很喜欢 BEAST，但我没有去，并不代表我不喜欢他们了！听到亲故这么说，我真的很痛心，难道你们不认识我吗？你们做工了，有些有零用钱拿（存就是了），我并没有打工也没有零用钱。并不是喜欢就能去的，我也做了很大的牺牲！！如果我学校的课业都做不好的话，那还去看演唱会是什么屁话啊～被选为队长那一刻，就知道自己的担当会逐渐重要，但并没想到队员会是推给我做让我做完的朋友。一直一直都在催我，几时可以做完？几时可以给他们看？几时才能印下来派出去？你们没付出还要那么大声啊！！！你是想怎样？昨天为了载你们去做 research，我都累了。回来还要载朋友去车站，过后到家就要马上冲凉，30分钟之内又要出门载几条粉肠去买料理。我没有骂说我自己是你们的车夫就算了，还要一个两个摆脸色给我看。早上10点到晚上11点才回到，过后才有机会去朋友家借 wifi 做功课。我从11点做到4点啊！！我第一次感到那么的压力和疲惫。想睡不能睡。到今天早上，我竟然睡到下午才起床。我完全不知道我没有去上课，还是第一次没有感觉（平时都会起来吓醒去上课）。刚起床就打电话过来，为什么没有去上课啦，我没来怎样给他们看啦，到底做好了没啊，明天最好交到他们的手上啦！OH PLEASE！！你们到底给不给人喘口气啊？还不是因为你们的不帮忙还有不断给人的压力，我才会不去看演唱会。Enn Li 还特地打电给我说她有两张免费的票，问我要不要去，我还是狠心的拒绝了！我当下哭断肠！！！知道我喜欢K-POP的应该都知道那是什么感受！！有票去不得是严重严重让我伤心欲绝

日有所思，夜有所梦。

我不知道我是不是喜欢他，因为我不介意他跟谁在一起，他在做什么。只是偶尔想到今天可能会见到他，要穿整齐一些。但周围的人都说虽然我有很多追求者，但他们都知道我喜欢的是谁。我在想.........我怎么不知道是谁啊～我都不懂你们懂？但最近想起他的频率有加无减。就想想今天可能会见到他，哦！他 liked 我的 status了，或者是他最近有没有在运动之类的。
但我没想到会梦见他啊～～～梦境竟然是我们接吻了，而且是被他强吻！！！什么东西嘛！！！还要是在周围都是朋友的面前做了这样的一个东东～((我晕！！接下来是我逃开躲在厕所了，可能是惊讶的关系。然后各个跑来问我有事吗.....我开门不见他才说没事。结果他从旁边出现说对不起....朋友们醒目地闪开 ((这就是朋友会做的事！靠 然后我忘了发生什么事，只记得他闯进来厕所，站在我面前，然后锁门！！我更加晕～～这是什么情节嘛？看戏看太多了实在！他接下就搂了我的腰把我拉进他，然后就 ..... 就 ........ 就 ........ 拥吻啦～～～～～ 哇赛！重点是梦就这样给我停了！！有没有搞错啊～～这是什么烂结局～～至少给我知道我做了什么，我们做了什么嘛！哎哟～～～我真的晕了！算啦～～但我还是希望别再发这种梦了。下次见到他，我会失措！毕竟是很好朋友，几年内都会见到他。也希望不是因为喜欢他的关系才发这种梦吧～说实在的蛮恐怖一下，因为我很肯定也知道他不喜欢我。不是两情相悦的，真的最好不要！日有所思，夜有所梦啊～～

The very 1st one in 2013 -_-

OK !! This blog is dying here .... I'm soooo lazy to update my blog ..
I hate typing .. I just like to talk .. blah blah blah everything out.
but sometimes, not everything can be discuss or speak it out.

"some people" said when a person showing their secret or love too much to the others, that person hardly get the same as return. Why ? because everyone thinks that that person is loved ... even though got people fall in love with that person, they won't confess as they think that the person don't need any of it and they just choose to keep it secret ... 

hemm .. I was wondering .. so this is why I'm single huh .. I don't know isit true but it sounds true ~
but no doubt, a lot of people stalking me recently ... and 1 of them is super obvious .. yes ! he has been confessed to me like about 3 months ago but he is not my type and he knew that as I told him the truth la .. still he is not giving up ... I'M THAT ATTRACTIVE huh ?? whatever !!

but I easily got emo nowadays ... because of the father's day ? yeah .. I envy my friends that have their parents both father and mother .. but most of them not really appreciate with what they've. While the friends who love their parents very much .. I gone emo straight away .. I lack of father's love since young so until now I don't really know what kind of feeling is that ... and when I saw all those father's day cake and pictures with their father on FB ... (yes, I'm crying when typing the last 3 rows)

so, isit the reason why I always think of getting a boyfriend ?
I NEED LOVE !! 

I CAN DO IT !!

 Is the time to update my blog again .. hemm ... gradually became automatic to blogging now.

I'm facing a big challenge now .. because having a performance on Merdeka Day, I had to take a week leave on week 14 for rehearsal on Bukit Jalil which the last week to do revision, hand on my assignment and presentation .. due to that I have to done all those stuff one week earlier than others ... I was so stress, can't even imagine to do it ... don't know how  and where to start from. All was like "come" in the same time, how am I suppose to done all of this in one week ?? Besides, I got very low coursework marks in every subjects .. really don't know why it happened become like this .. I swear I did very best in every work but why ?? keep telling myself I deserve better marks .. that's the facts .. I can't change anything, the only thing can do is do all the best in final .. after 31st performance, 6th of Sep is the first day of final for my first paper .. within 1 week I have to finish my revision ?? OMG !! I really think I can't make it .... after I get a surprise gift from P55 D9 group .. all my stress gone away ~  is a so called "stick" handmade by D9 PTC with encouragement behind it .. I got mine "Pray to have a strong conviction, believe that all the wishes can be achieved, pray with this kind of heart."——Daisaku Ikeda. I have to believe I can do it, not suppose to giving up without doing anything, still not end yet !! everything must be achieved ! IS A MUST ~~ do all those work with the faith and belief ! I can do it !! ^^ get this encouragement in a good time, appears just in time ~ LOL !!

。。。

我到底要怎样挑战过来？今天得知所有的coursework分数。很伤心！全部就只有过半，甚至有fail的！我承认我最近没有很认真在功课上，但我这之前都有很用功地在做～Final 至少要拿到80/100才能拿到B。真的真的很糟糕！就连我最有把握的英文都一塌糊涂！我到底都在干什么啊？废柴！！！颓废！！！
国庆日还要表演，那整个礼拜需要缺席！以为不是问题，结果抽签在27号presentation，29号需要交assignment project，FINAL就在6号开始！我没有信心～～我很压力～!

"Many in Body, One in Mind"

I will be performing on 31st of Aug, the National Day in the name of Soka Gakkai Malaysia, together with 800+ of members and Soka friends. Until now, we only practiced for 7 times. The 7th time, I cried (I used to cry a lot huh .. =.=) because get scolded by own group person in charge (PIC). I admit I did not put 100% effort in every run and I only do my own steps without care about my group members because I'm still unsatisfied with my own group. Before that I was in a preparatory group(D9), even I knew I will not able to perform but I still appreciate every moment with my group member, practice hard together like crazy, counting with the song  together like crazy , laugh together like crazy, cry  together like crazy because I feel the warmth of my group members. They can become very serious when come to practice since we wanted to enjoy each practice and do not want to leave any regret. Until I was nominated became an official performers and sent to a new group(D1), the happiness gone in the same time. I thought I will get the same feeling in the new group but ..... They even do not know the name of their group members, forget the dance steps that learned on the first day of practice, will only wait for instructions, lazy to do counting for every flow steps, do not want to have a slogan which every group has it for encouragement and spirit. I really have too much too much TOO MUCH of dissatisfaction in this group but I do not dare to speak it out since I'm just a new member there so I just leave it. Until PIC reproached us after the practice, I can't hold my tears and it just burst out. Is not because he too angry or scared of him, is because I finally realized my thought was too wrong. My faith and belief are not strong enough. I gave up to my own group. I should bring in here what I have learned in D9, the confidence, the happiness, the heart of cherish, the joyful, the seriousness and etc. I should do that  but why am I the one giving up here. I used to compare D1 with D9 but if I always compare, I will always complain. If this is not what I want then why I have to allow it continue to corrupt down. I should make the change and change of own self.

"In the spirit of many body but one in mind prevails among the people, they will achieve all their goals, whereas if one in body but different in mind, they can achieve nothing remarkable."——Nichiren Daishonin, "Many in Body, One in Mind"

"United we stand, divided we fall." ——John Dickinson (1732-1808)

...

up till the point where you actually felt people around you don’t exactly like you for you, that’s the worst part in life.

you probably thought you’re already doing your best when you’re not. the little voice beside you whom pulls you down when faced with troubles. you’d wonder if you’re doing the right thing, you’d wonder if you’re good enough, you’d wonder if you’re working hard enough. but the way life is is indeed balanced. so balanced that you cannot fulfill everything in the same time. I guess I should always be reminded that success needs to be earned one by one slowly and shouldn’t be rushed. and keeping friends with you are the most important part of life. because success ain’t going to buy you all happiness. not sure if naive but having just getting a little care would mean so much. nothing creative. just a simple “are you okay ?” would give me so much strength.

I do not like to be told what to do. but always when needed, change is a must. and towards the better. it’s no point keeping the emotions buried in you, sometimes it’s better to be straight forward and voicing out. and accept, too.

and, when you know people appreciates and likes you for who you are, that’ll be the greatest feeling I guarantee. I’m not telling you to live the way to please people, but because sometimes even the simplest smile could make you a much more jovial person who’s nice to be around with; and it’ll all be worth it. best of all, it requires almost no effort.