I CAN DO IT !!

 Is the time to update my blog again .. hemm ... gradually became automatic to blogging now.

I'm facing a big challenge now .. because having a performance on Merdeka Day, I had to take a week leave on week 14 for rehearsal on Bukit Jalil which the last week to do revision, hand on my assignment and presentation .. due to that I have to done all those stuff one week earlier than others ... I was so stress, can't even imagine to do it ... don't know how  and where to start from. All was like "come" in the same time, how am I suppose to done all of this in one week ?? Besides, I got very low coursework marks in every subjects .. really don't know why it happened become like this .. I swear I did very best in every work but why ?? keep telling myself I deserve better marks .. that's the facts .. I can't change anything, the only thing can do is do all the best in final .. after 31st performance, 6th of Sep is the first day of final for my first paper .. within 1 week I have to finish my revision ?? OMG !! I really think I can't make it .... after I get a surprise gift from P55 D9 group .. all my stress gone away ~  is a so called "stick" handmade by D9 PTC with encouragement behind it .. I got mine "Pray to have a strong conviction, believe that all the wishes can be achieved, pray with this kind of heart."——Daisaku Ikeda. I have to believe I can do it, not suppose to giving up without doing anything, still not end yet !! everything must be achieved ! IS A MUST ~~ do all those work with the faith and belief ! I can do it !! ^^ get this encouragement in a good time, appears just in time ~ LOL !!

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我到底要怎样挑战过来？今天得知所有的coursework分数。很伤心！全部就只有过半，甚至有fail的！我承认我最近没有很认真在功课上，但我这之前都有很用功地在做～Final 至少要拿到80/100才能拿到B。真的真的很糟糕！就连我最有把握的英文都一塌糊涂！我到底都在干什么啊？废柴！！！颓废！！！
国庆日还要表演，那整个礼拜需要缺席！以为不是问题，结果抽签在27号presentation，29号需要交assignment project，FINAL就在6号开始！我没有信心～～我很压力～!

"Many in Body, One in Mind"

I will be performing on 31st of Aug, the National Day in the name of Soka Gakkai Malaysia, together with 800+ of members and Soka friends. Until now, we only practiced for 7 times. The 7th time, I cried (I used to cry a lot huh .. =.=) because get scolded by own group person in charge (PIC). I admit I did not put 100% effort in every run and I only do my own steps without care about my group members because I'm still unsatisfied with my own group. Before that I was in a preparatory group(D9), even I knew I will not able to perform but I still appreciate every moment with my group member, practice hard together like crazy, counting with the song  together like crazy , laugh together like crazy, cry  together like crazy because I feel the warmth of my group members. They can become very serious when come to practice since we wanted to enjoy each practice and do not want to leave any regret. Until I was nominated became an official performers and sent to a new group(D1), the happiness gone in the same time. I thought I will get the same feeling in the new group but ..... They even do not know the name of their group members, forget the dance steps that learned on the first day of practice, will only wait for instructions, lazy to do counting for every flow steps, do not want to have a slogan which every group has it for encouragement and spirit. I really have too much too much TOO MUCH of dissatisfaction in this group but I do not dare to speak it out since I'm just a new member there so I just leave it. Until PIC reproached us after the practice, I can't hold my tears and it just burst out. Is not because he too angry or scared of him, is because I finally realized my thought was too wrong. My faith and belief are not strong enough. I gave up to my own group. I should bring in here what I have learned in D9, the confidence, the happiness, the heart of cherish, the joyful, the seriousness and etc. I should do that  but why am I the one giving up here. I used to compare D1 with D9 but if I always compare, I will always complain. If this is not what I want then why I have to allow it continue to corrupt down. I should make the change and change of own self.

"In the spirit of many body but one in mind prevails among the people, they will achieve all their goals, whereas if one in body but different in mind, they can achieve nothing remarkable."——Nichiren Daishonin, "Many in Body, One in Mind"

"United we stand, divided we fall." ——John Dickinson (1732-1808)

...

up till the point where you actually felt people around you don’t exactly like you for you, that’s the worst part in life.

you probably thought you’re already doing your best when you’re not. the little voice beside you whom pulls you down when faced with troubles. you’d wonder if you’re doing the right thing, you’d wonder if you’re good enough, you’d wonder if you’re working hard enough. but the way life is is indeed balanced. so balanced that you cannot fulfill everything in the same time. I guess I should always be reminded that success needs to be earned one by one slowly and shouldn’t be rushed. and keeping friends with you are the most important part of life. because success ain’t going to buy you all happiness. not sure if naive but having just getting a little care would mean so much. nothing creative. just a simple “are you okay ?” would give me so much strength.

I do not like to be told what to do. but always when needed, change is a must. and towards the better. it’s no point keeping the emotions buried in you, sometimes it’s better to be straight forward and voicing out. and accept, too.

and, when you know people appreciates and likes you for who you are, that’ll be the greatest feeling I guarantee. I’m not telling you to live the way to please people, but because sometimes even the simplest smile could make you a much more jovial person who’s nice to be around with; and it’ll all be worth it. best of all, it requires almost no effort.