"Many in Body, One in Mind"

I will be performing on 31st of Aug, the National Day in the name of Soka Gakkai Malaysia, together with 800+ of members and Soka friends. Until now, we only practiced for 7 times. The 7th time, I cried (I used to cry a lot huh .. =.=) because get scolded by own group person in charge (PIC). I admit I did not put 100% effort in every run and I only do my own steps without care about my group members because I'm still unsatisfied with my own group. Before that I was in a preparatory group(D9), even I knew I will not able to perform but I still appreciate every moment with my group member, practice hard together like crazy, counting with the song  together like crazy , laugh together like crazy, cry  together like crazy because I feel the warmth of my group members. They can become very serious when come to practice since we wanted to enjoy each practice and do not want to leave any regret. Until I was nominated became an official performers and sent to a new group(D1), the happiness gone in the same time. I thought I will get the same feeling in the new group but ..... They even do not know the name of their group members, forget the dance steps that learned on the first day of practice, will only wait for instructions, lazy to do counting for every flow steps, do not want to have a slogan which every group has it for encouragement and spirit. I really have too much too much TOO MUCH of dissatisfaction in this group but I do not dare to speak it out since I'm just a new member there so I just leave it. Until PIC reproached us after the practice, I can't hold my tears and it just burst out. Is not because he too angry or scared of him, is because I finally realized my thought was too wrong. My faith and belief are not strong enough. I gave up to my own group. I should bring in here what I have learned in D9, the confidence, the happiness, the heart of cherish, the joyful, the seriousness and etc. I should do that  but why am I the one giving up here. I used to compare D1 with D9 but if I always compare, I will always complain. If this is not what I want then why I have to allow it continue to corrupt down. I should make the change and change of own self.

"In the spirit of many body but one in mind prevails among the people, they will achieve all their goals, whereas if one in body but different in mind, they can achieve nothing remarkable."——Nichiren Daishonin, "Many in Body, One in Mind"

"United we stand, divided we fall." ——John Dickinson (1732-1808)